Makes sense that eventually I'd write something about pot. I've spent a lot of time researching the effects of marijuana and the legal issues surrounding it and I've smoked since I was 19.
Backstory for clarity.
Throughout middle and high school, when drugs and drinking first came on the scene for me, I was "straight edge". Not the irritating straight edge where you turn abstaining into an ideology with half-assed punk references and hideous black splotches of tattoos, I just didn't partake. I was friends with many people my age who did and I didn't get on my high horse if they offered, I just didn't take. And I'm glad I didn't. The brain during puberty is already a hotspot of chemicals, the last thing a teenager needs is an outside influence. However... with my obsession with Jimi Hendrix and love of the surface 60's culture, it's pretty amazing I stuck to my guns.
Flash forward to college. My freshman year, I never even took a drink much less tried drugs of any sort. Hell it was hard to get to take advil. But I am a very curious lady and by the time I was 19, again I'd made friends who drank and smoked pot. Now no one ever pressured me (something I've always appreciated) but they did offer and at the beginning of my sophomore year, living off campus and having declared my psychology major, I embarked on a semester long research project into the effects of marijuana on the brain. With that knowledge, I tried pot and found it not the demon elementary school DARE had made it out to be.
Because here's the thing. Marijuana doesn't MAKE you lazy, uninteresting and a waste of human life. Chances are, when you start smoking pot, you already are lazy, uninteresting and a waste of human life. People will turn to drugs for two general reasons. Curiosity and to escape. Marijuana causes brain damage like alcohol, in extreme heavy doses over a long period of time ie dependency. Now that's to say a person can't become addicted to marijuana. Each brain and body is different and a normal person (if any of us are normal) can become addicted to really anything. Drugs, alcohol, bread, sugar, caffeine, video games, Big Love (I freaking love that show). It depends on a myriad of factors from biological to environmental. Predicting addiction is like predicting the weather. We have a good idea of how and when it can happen but you can always be caught by surprise.
Anyway, the first time I tried pot was at a good friends house on my terms. He said to me one day "We're going to watch Xena tonight and you should come over," I knew what Xena meant and I went nervous and excited. I'd only tried to hit a bowl once in my life but a whole lifetime of never smoking anything meant I did not know how to inhale smoke into my lungs accustomed to only "pure" oxygen. Back at my friend's house, the bowl was passed to me and I looked around confused flummoxed as to what I was supposed to do with this contraption. My friend immediately whipped out a lighter, instructed me to hold the bowl to my lips with my thumb over the carb (a hole in the side of the bowl) and held the lighter over the pot. I coughed, a lot. The rest of the night was a blur with the bowl continuously finding it's way into my hand and his lighter poised over top. I got very high and I enjoyed it. But it wasn't like I'd been told. I didn't have a freak out though I couldn't follow what was on TV and at the end of the night I went home and woke the next morning... well... normal. From then on, I smoked recreationally usually with that same friend. A few times I hit a joint at a party but usually we'd meet at his place, smoke and play chess. Because we're so cool.
And I admit, smoking pot did open the door to me trying shrooms (another demon that I had a wonderful time with) two years later and acid a year after that (which was not fun but that's a different story) but never have I considered trying anything "harder". I still find powders and needles disturbing and have never been so scared by a drug as I have meth and coke. My pot consumption increased over the years and while that would seem like burgeoning problem to most I'm sure, I still hold down three jobs and graduated with my B.S. and a certificate of completion on time. I still finish film projects I'm consigned to and perform (when I'm not performing as a wage slave).
What has brought all this to mind lately is Lent. I'm a recovering Catholic, confirmed but non-practicing for many reasons but I do recognize Lent every year. This year, having already done cheese, alcohol twice, cursing three years running (I have a dirty sailor mouth), meat, chocolate... basically most my vices I decided to give up cursing and pot. Since giving up pot, I haven't slept well in days. I've been an insomniac since I was 5 literally. My circadian rhythms are completely off for a normal functioning adult. I've tried exercise, sleeping pills, meditation, yoga, hot showers which all worked for a short period of time but in just a matter of time I'd find myself talking to invisible people in my room again and watching my clock slowly count up. Marijuana has been the only drug to shut my brain off long enough for me to sleep over five hours for longer than two weeks. And now... I can't sleep. Maybe it'll get better. Maybe my body will become exhausted enough over time I'll eventually conk out like a normal person but if you've never gone weeks without sleep, you probably don't understand the immense stress that comes with no sleep over and over again.
The other down-side. I have generalized anxiety. And I don't like pills. When I'm high on pot, I know I'm high. When it's a pill, you may have no idea that you're changing as a person. In your head, you're the same. Outside, you're withdrawn, or spacey or whatever side-effect that pill has on you. I noticed that when I smoked, I could engage people easier without tightening up or overthinking. I was actually a more gregarious person when I smoked.
I suppose you assume that what I'm getting at is RAH RAH legalize pot MAN! What's the big deal? That's not what I think at all. Legalizing pot means government control. Government control means possible additions to the plant and forcing "legitimate" growers out for government sanctioned pot farms. The best example there is of that is farming. With government controlled farms, we have the use of random pesticides, animal abuse, and industrialization. Carrots weren't always orange and tomatoes are not supposed to be the size of your face.
This is really just an explanation and exploration of one individual's experience with an illicit drug. Yes, a lot associated with drug culture is annoying. I don't think Doug Benson is funny (though he seems like a really nice guy), I hate patchouli, and I don't listen to Grateful Dead. But assuming that anyone that smokes pot doesn't bathe is like assuming anyone who gets a beer after work every night beats their wife.
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