Is There Ever a Right Time for Physical Actions or Hitting a Child is Always Stupid

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38739441/ns/travel-news/

That article is a about a flight attendant on a Southwest flight who intervened when a mother slapped her 13-month old baby in the face.

The mother says she lightly popped the baby because the child had kicked her and wouldn't stop crying.

The flight attendant says other passengers complained and witnessed the slap and so she took the baby from the parents to the back of the plane where the father joined them and held the baby until it fell asleep.

Once the plane landed the police interviewed the parents and the flight attendant where the mother demonstrated that the slap hadn't been hard and explained that when the child cries she cannot hear the mother say 'no'.

Now... I do think this mother sounds like a redneck piece of shit. However this got me thinking about raising kids and, of course, how I was raised.

The fact is, having a child does not guarantee that you will have a well-behaved angel. You can look at hereditary factors and developmental theory but really it's a bit of a crap shoot on what kind of temperament a child will have. The closest example I have is my half sister from my dad who will be 8 in december and myself. For the purpose of clarity, my dad was the main parent during my formative years, almost all discipline came from my dad while my sister has the tag team approach of my dad and stepmom. Growing up, I was an absolute terror. I once slapped a nurse in the face when I was three trying to escape a shot and had to be dragged screaming from the McDonald's playland. On several occasions I was spanked and I remember very vividly the night my dad popped me on the hand when I kept reaching to touch the million degree kerosene space heater. My stepmom came from an abusive family and absolutely abhorred any physical action towards my little sister. My sister, however, is an incredibly intelligent and stubborn young lady and during a period where she began hitting my dad and stepmom just to get a reaction my dad finally popped her on the hand and explained to her that hitting hurts, that's what it feels like, this is why we don't hit. She never hit either parent again and I never touched the kerosene space heater (except the night I sat on it not realizing it was on and gave myself second-degree burns on my hands... not smart).

Now with how connected our world has become, a lot of attention was placed on physical abuse of children. For a period of time, spanking was considered going to far and there's no reason to hit your child. This is a generalization. I was spanked as a kid and I don't think back to those days as where everything went wrong. I wasn't traumatized and, frankly, I had it coming. When a young child who hasn't aged far enough to learn that all actions have consequences and how they affect other people and they go into a tantrum that involves throwing their little fists and objects around them... well... spanking will happen. With my sister, she gets time outs in her room which to her is torture (despite all the pink and her four beta fish) and this has worked wonderfully to the point that she comes out and apologizes for her outburst (I'm not kidding, it honestly freaks me out when she speaks like a small adult). I, on the other hand, couldn't be kept in one spot for longer than a minute. It was either locking me in (which never happened otherwise I'd go through the window) or I got a spanking. When I got older I calmed down and it wasn't necessary to use physical actions with me. Besides I respected and loved my dad so much and he, in turn, was very open and fair with me that by the time I was ten I rarely dared to disobey.

Corralling kids is hard. I don't know what my dad would have done if he'd had more than one kid when I was four or what he and my stepmom would do now if they had more than one little girl running around the house. I don't think less of my dad for spanking me or think he failed as a parent in those moments. It's just what happened and he didn't spank to hurt, he spanked to shock.

And that's the important difference. If a parent's going to spank or pop the kid the kid has to be old enough to know it's the result of their actions. Otherwise it is abuse and a failure. A 13 month old baby who is slapped isn't going to think "oh my God this is what happens when I scream and throw glass angel figurines (me again). They're going to scream harder now because the person who is supposed to love and care for them and who they depend on is striking them.

Spanking and popping is a last resort. Not the first thing you do. Stressed out or not, you have a responsibility to teach your child proper actions and hitting them with no explanation and no leading reason other than crying is base awful and only setting up issues later. My dad spanked me for a reason I was aware of. When I was much older my mom hit me for less clear reasons. Usually something about how she was upset that I was leaving the house or didn't call her on birthday because I was coming over anyway. Now that I carried and that affected me later in life.

And aside from definitions of abuse and the difficulty of raising children... WHY do parents bring BABIES on FLIGHTS. I have the urge to throw a tantrum on a plane and I'm an adult. Is it really necessary? Turbulence, trapped in a small space for hours, pressure changes. You are ASKING for a miserable baby. To me, there are only a few reasons to bring a baby on a damn plane. Funeral you can't miss. Family dinner across the country with a family member who may not see another holiday. Moving. Sure, you needed to bring the baby. But family vacation with a creature that won't form coherent memories until they're three and even then it's still pretty muddy? You didn't want to leave the baby with a sitter? You HAVE to go home for Christmas just because it's what you've always done? Stop being so goddamned selfish and think of the kid. You had a kid and things fucking change. You can't always do what you want because you NEED to do for them. And one of the last things a baby needs is a flight to Idaho.

And don't think I've forgotten you idiots who take your 6 month old baby to Disney World. It's not for them, it's for you. They won't remember it and they'll spend the day taking heat stroke naps in their stroller while being periodically woken up into a nightmare of flashing lights and giant mouse heads floating in front of them. Ever seen photos of babies crying on Santa's lap? Now imagine Santa is actually a huge rodent.

But I digress.