Good Dick is yet another Stupid Indie Flick

With so much time on my hands, I decided to actually sit down and take a look at the films that has just come out on DVD. One of the perks of my part-time job is free rentals so I really have no excuse except procrastination for not seeing a new release or at least catching up on older films. While walking the aisles, I came across a lone independent film called Good Dick starring Jason Ritter who I guess is famous for something other than his dead dad, and Marianna Palka.

The premise is a lonely video clerk (given a modern twist in that the store rents DVD's ANNNND VHS's) who pursues a lonely troubled girl out of love and in hopes of helping her.

Typical premise already, guy looking for love, loner girl who just needs a hand to hold to get through this world. It's been done quite a few times. Pretty Woman. The Truth About Cats and Dogs. 10 Things I Hate About You. Must Love Dogs. My Super Ex Girlfriend. My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Happy Endings. Garden State. Secretary. Me And You And Everyone We Know. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The list could go on and not all of those are hand-cringing. Some are successful even poignant in their story-telling and performances ( Secretary) while others are just fluff for a bored mind (My Super Ex Girlfriend). Besides, while navigating basic human interaction, who hasn't felt like a clumsy elephant in a world of graceful swans and felt comfort in a like-minded individual? It's a well-used premise because so many people can either relate to it in one way or another or, for even just a second, wanted it.

But all of these films have one thing in common. Though not all the relationships are text-book healthy or even plausible by the end, none of them are sick. As in, you rarely have two (or more) people who should go through extensive therapy before even owning a cat as the subjects of a romantic comedy.

This is Good Dick. Jason Ritter (Man... I'm not kidding he's credited as Man how fucking edgy) works in his hip video store (how many rental places have you been in with soft lighting? Seriously? In any city?) where Marianna Palka (Woman, doesn't that piss you off?) is a regular customer. She only rents erotic videos in any format until one day MAN suggests a different title. Woman does not like this interference in her life and expresses such by glaring at him, snatching her video and walking out. Man then goes to her apartment, catches her masturbating through her window, watches and then we cut to him waking up in his car.

Now here's the first problem with this film. My first reaction when Man wakes up in his car is he stayed outside her apartment all night. This is not the case and if the film didn't want me to think this, why was did it cut immediately to him in his car and then to him outside her apartment only to tell us later, through vague dialogue, that Man is living in his car FOR WHATEVER REASON and was an addict OF SOME SORT. Unless that was the point in which case... why? Why would the film want us to think he's a stalker to then show that he's not? Neither his living out of his car or possible drug use are ever explained and thus we never find out what the Hell this guy is about.

Man's next move after spying on Woman, is to show up at her apartment and make up a lie (using a neighbor's mail) that his Great Aunt lives in the complex. Woman rebuff's him. He then regroups and shows up again at her apartment with a new lie that his Great Aunt died and he needs someone to talk to. He talks Woman into letting him in... at butcher knife point. They then begin this dance of her treating him horribly... I mean horribly and him manipulating her into letting him sleep in her bed with him after betting her his dick was bigger than the one they saw in a porn and just letting him stay in her apartment in general.

The film begins to add in scenes of them bonding and Man trying to coerce if something sexual happened to her which in a film where characters were fleshed out and the editing paid attention to, might be believable. Instead it looks like a deeply desperate man taking advantage of a very "troubled" and depressed woman. At one point, after scene and scene of Woman screaming at him to get out and stay from her and how disgusting he is to her, he stands up and declares himself her boyfriend. And that's why he's staying. Even now, I don't know why he becomes so interested in Woman and the film shows nothing in her that would endear her to another person. Instead, I suppose, I guess this is just true love working it's magic.

At so many points in this film, I had to stop to figure out if this was a bait and switch thriller or if it really was supposed to be a romantic comedy.

Then Tom Arnold showed up.

All the mysteries of Woman are tied up in a final scene between her and her DAD TOM ARNOLD. Well, at least they're vaguely cleared up. Ok they're not really cleared up, they're just hinted at. But Tom Arnold is her dad and that's something isn't it?

In summation, this movie in all it's poor story-telling, boring performances and hipness made me want to punch Zach Braff in the face. He had nothing to do with Good Dick but he got the ball rolling on this indie love in the face of stupidity trend and I could murder him for it. As a warning to all indie film makers who got their little sensitive hearts broken, if you're going to dance in the ballroom of "real" romance in film you better go back and pay better attention to the people who actually did it successfully (Jim Jarmusch and Robert Altman to name a few) or I will find you.