I Fought the Law and I WON

Here's the breakdown of what happened.

I have 20 year-old Cadillac. She is my baby is the most punk rock vehicle I've ever owned. Basically, I'm a shantytown Rockefeller. I own two cars. That's right. TWO cars are in my name. How did this happen? How did a woman who makes BELOW minimum wage at ONE of her jobs, just barely minimum at her second and above minimum to fall asleep naked on the floor while art students sketch her rolls in charcoal end up with a four bedroom house with a bar and two cars?

Well, my four bedroom house is kind of ridiculous. First off, I have three roommates but even then a kitchen that large (big enough to fit a full-size super awesome 60's formica dining table and for my roommates to cook a prethanksgiving dinner) and separate room for a bar (painted hideously and then repainted beautifully by Lauren... I don't care how much pride you have a maroon and orange bar needed a repaint) our rent is higher than I promised myself I would pay. $350 before utilities where we are is pretty steep when you live with three people southwest VA. But, with the space, it's like living alone so for me it evens out.

Why do I have two cars. My first car, my first love, was and is a 1989 copper Toyota Camry. When they say they don't make 'em like that anymore they mean my car. You will rarely see a copper Camry in your life. My baby (named Hiroshima by my non PC dad and Penny by a very PC high school me) could BARELY make it to RIchmond twenty minutes from my home much less make it to my college town four hours away. So come college time, I was carless for the whole four years which is not a death sentence. Seriously, you can not only survive but college is a LOT easier without a car. You don't make the choice to live out of town because there's no way in hell you'll get to class and you never have to deal with parking permits. However!, I graduated and found out that my grandma had not only paid for her oldest grandSON (our family is unusually patriarchal for a white family) but for her oldest grandDAUGHTER college education.

Let's regroup. I'm $20,000 in debt due to loans for college. To make things fair, my grandma offered me (with some prodding) her precious 1987 Cadillac Deville. Not really a fair trade, the car is worth MAYBE $200 BUT having a car after graduation when your life doesn't center around campus is pretty valuable.

Now, here's the story. I hadn't had a car for longer than a week of break for five years when I got my Caddy named Moe. I'd forgotten the basics like, for example, making sure the registration is up to date. I was pulled over THREE TIMES in one day for my registration. Only my registration. Once going to work, once going for lunch (when I received a ticket... that's important remember that) and lastly leaving work. Three. Times. In. One. Day. The officer, when I received the ticket the first since I was 16 I kid you not, told me that as long as I updated my registration I would be fine. I didn't know (because I have clean driving record, this is also important) that I needed to present the updated registration to be safe. I thought, in our information age, that the system would see I was updated and the ticket would disappear.

WRONG!

WRONG!

WRONG!

My parents (because I move around so much I leave my mailing address with my parents) received a notice that my license was in danger of being suspended due to unpaid court fees.

Hold on a minute. Unpaid court fees? Suspended license? What's going on here?

I didn't know. So, being the kind of girl who's very unskilled at preemptive action but exceptional at crisis management, I went to our local court... where I was treated like SHIT.

Now, it's a college town. Lot's of parking tickets, unpaid bills and kids trying to get out of the trouble they caused. I understand that, I pulled the same tricks when I was an undergrad.

But I'm not an undergrad and the day I went into the district court to figure out what had happened it was my day off. I've been out of college for a year and working in the downtown since two months after I graduated. But it was my day off so I was dressed in a tasteful mini skirt with black leggings and my giant goodwill faux fur jean jacket with leopard print lining. The woman working talked to me like I was dirt.

"Well you'll have to explain to the judge why you couldn't show up to court" with a snooty attitude.

"I work three jobs and rarely get time off"

"Well you'll have to explain that,"

"When I come back to file for an appeal you'll be here to help me right?" I said with a hint of frustration as she turned her back on me before we finished.

"Yeah, I'll be here,"

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I make you work extra hard? Did I distract you from a day of filing paperwork for stuck-up college kids followed by you going out with your friends who only talk about their pencil-pushing days or a guy who seemed so interested in them but then suddenly wasn't and oh no another husband down the drain what will woman due in the mancentric world and then you go home to your cat and reruns of Friend's as you dream of having the life you imagined in high school but gave up for the safety of gainful employment but every so often you wonder what it be like if you had kept your art or writing major and did live on Ramen or nothing but were still passionate and just before you rip your hair out you pop a sleep aid then get up put on nice clothes and do your damndest to make a 19 year old feel like an asshole? Is that what I did?

Anyway...

I put in for my appeal and was assured my license was safe. Then I get a notice that as of 12/24 my license was suspended. Good to know after I just drove four hours plus back home after holidays. Good thing you can't speed in my Caddy. Here comes the week of panic, anger and remorse.

I was panicked for my court date. The morning of one of my best friends came over to coach and dress me since I'm the Shantytown Rockefeller and can't be bothered with higher class dress and act. We get to the court and I'm prepared to lose some money which, to me, seems unfair for a woman with a clean driving record BUT when someone's made an example of it's usually me. It's why I know most of the loopholes... keep that in mind. It's only bad luck if you don't find a way around it.

I was ready. A pile of paperwork and high heels and you try to not feel ready. I was in court five minutes before my case dismissed. I was out of court three hours before my license was returned to me. There were a few stops and circles to be run but by the end of the day...

All charges dropped and nothing on my driving record.

What's the lesson of all this? That you don't need money to survive in our system. Just education. My dad wanted me to just pay the fees and be done with it and, in a way, he was right. That would have solved it a month ago but we would have lost over $200. Instead, by having all my information and a minor amount of internet surfing I came out the same as if I had taken care of the ticket forthright. And I watched a girl with a speeding ticket argue it down to an offense that wouldn't affect her insurance.

Learn people. Pay attention and never assume that the bitch behind the counter knows all that needs to be known.


I don't feel like editing so just deal with the grammatical mistakes.